What if...

...the only right person for me was just too afraid to make a move?

I wanted to, but...

"Hello." The hardest word? No, that's not right is it?

Ugh!

For all those who have exams...I wish you the best of luck.

Let Me Hold You

I had a dream to match this lovely song...




I know what it means...do you?


***

I am at work, phasing out, blanking out in the middle of things or just finding myself with nothing to do. Maybe I'm tired...sleepy...suffering from after-rush + quick U-turn into depressing mode thing...

Decode people...decode! Try to keep up.

*I'm sure you understand how wierd I'm feeling right now. Sorry.

Wait. Should I even be apologizing? Hmm...

Confused Shopping

I went to the supermarket by myself the other day, and as I was heading to the cash registers I was beckoned, quite enthusiastically, by the worker that puts the bought items in the bags to the cash register he was stood at. And I was like, "Okay. Fine. I'll pick your lane today." Now, I had gone shopping for only a few items and so I was carrying my stuff in a basket rather than pushing them along in a trolley, and I happened to also be carrying a 4kg box of detergent (because it didn't fit in the basket) and so this same guy comes up to me and carries the box for me and proceeds to empty my basket on to the conveyor belt.

:/

I don't know if you noticed, but I refered to this guy simply as "the worker." And I did that intentionally because, frankly, I'm quite confused as to what his job really is. Does his job description include: push trolley, retrieve forgotten items from shelves, bag items, carry things for customers, empty items into customer's car, mop the floor, bring change from neighbouring cash register...? I doubt it. But they seem to be taking over that way. I mean next thing you know, they might flip out their wallets and pay for the stuff too.

It's ridiculous. Who do I blame for this confusing and bizarre phenomenon? Us, ofcourse...we...the people, who have become so dependant, so willing to have others do things for us, in return for some petty cash. And these poor guys need it so they do what they can...anything and everything.

Well, listen here mister...I can carry my own stuff, push my own trolley and I can damn well choose which cash register I'm going to pay at!

Sigh ... enough venting? Yes. I think so.

Human Nature

I went to see This Is It at the IMAX theatre in 360 last night. Glad I did. Mainly because I got to sit back and groove to all his great songs.

Singing along and snapping my fingers to the beat...I genuinely had a good time and I now have MJ's song list on constant playback in my head.

He exuded professionalism, an immense attention to detail, and just pure love for what he was doing...he was passionate about making people happy with great music right to the end...

WEEKEND!!! Woohoo!

I miss my sister. She studies in Canada and is persumably emmersed in examinations right now...so I haven't talked to her in ages. Missing you girl.

I want to buy flowers...roses...

And the weather is amazing...fine drizzles in the early morning hours...with the great roar of thunder every now and then...mainly the overcast colour grey. Oh and the wind...ahhh the wind.

Moody P

This week was the absolute opposite of its predecessor. I feel like I have nothing to do at work, constantly find myself looking at the time.

My work at home has been far more productive (don't get excited - it was small in size but more productive than work at work!) The Unfolding of Language is very interesting...and so easy to read. I always put off non-fiction because I feel like the seriousness is such a bummer and thus inappropriate for a light, after-hard-working-day (yeah right!) kinda read. But this book has proven me wrong. It's insightful, very interesting and informative but remains down to earth and cleverly humourous.

Going to see This Is It on IMAX today. Not so excited to be honest. But I promised my sister I would go, so...
Also, the 34th annual book fair was launched this morning...I'm sure it won't be any different from the ones before, but I might go in search for some good reads.

33 hours and 17 minutes to the weekend. COME ON!

Index Card

This morning at work, I was typing away, sending e-mails to members of staff, reminding them about their deadlines, urging them to send the required elements...And for a moment, I stop. And I smile. A warm and bright light glows inside me.
The work was not done. I was, am and will be extremely busy for days to come. But I feel content. I feel like I'm doing something, no matter how little or insignificant. Doing things that are changing me, slowly, not into a different person, just a better version of me.
There are thousands of things that I still want to do. This very moment. But alas, we are bound by time, responsibilities, priorities. And yet, I somehow still feel content, satisfied, almost. I still manage to smile.

I've been writing more which is great. Reading more too. TV has become something of the past. It's like nothing good is ever on anymore. I miss movies and shows. All in good time though, all in good time.

Not spending so much time with my family. Not as much as I'd like. I thought I'd be really upset at that, which I am, frankly, but this break has made me appreciate them so much more, enjoy their company so much more when we are together.

This post was supposed to go up on Thursday. But it's still applicable so I'm posting it today. Also, it should not be mistaken for a sad or gloomy post. It's more of a saintly realization of contentment sort of thing...

:)

Fire Truck

At the risk of repeating myself, I post this video. I couldn't resist the urge of sharing the utter genius, the sheer magnificense, the irresistable charm of Michael Bublé.
He's hip, he's hot, and he's happening. His music FEELS good. It really does.
I don't want to keep going on and on for fear of uncovering my secret obsession/crush (call it what you may)...
Just watch the video... :)




And now, at the risk of contradicting myself, I absolutely cannot wait. (Refer to the post before last if you don't get the joke. If you still don't get it, then I should stop trying to be funny.)

**Update on the writing: We're getting there.

Cheers.

0

In an attempt at getting my writing mojo back in action, I've decided to take a look back on some random old posts of mine, with the hope of finding that lost spark.

I have to say, it was quite interesting. A lot of the time I would be like: "I wrote that?!" or "What was going on when I wrote that?" And to be frank, and if I dare say so myself, I was impressed with a lot of the things I had written.
I also went back and read some of your old comments. Your comments are really important and are a great source of motivation that pushes me to do something about writing again, because part of why I do this is to get feedback from readers, so...

Something tells me I could use this extra long Eid break wisely and try to come up with something. I'm going to try and continue with some fiction I started in 2008. We'll see how that goes.

Also I want to update my iPod. Watch a couple of movies. Maybe draw something.

So far it's been family get-togethers, which is'nt bad. I think seeing family is a healthy thing. And with it being Eid, everyone's there, and everyone's put that extra effort in looking good, and being nice and swell etc.

This is the first Eid I don't get any Eidiyas. :( It felt weird.

Wishing you all a happy Eid.

Frangipani

I want to post more. I practically think about posting everyday, but I don't have anything to write about. I haven't written any fiction in ages either. It's like I go blank every time I think of writing.

I guess I can let you know what's been happening with me lately, with some random updates a la Amethyst (because I love you A.):

Been into fashion blogs. Some faves: The Sartorialist - Go Fug Yourself

Started watching Grey's Anatomy. I approve.

Thinking of ways to lose a few pounds.

Feeling uglier by the day. Advice much appreciated.

I want to cook. Not bake. Cook.

Strangely thinking about having a summer cleaning session for my room. Linked to the feeling ugly bit, I guess.

Battery running low. So I guess I'll be off. Any advice on how to get my writing mojo on...or on anything for that matter is highly appreciated. Thanks.

Kiss of Life

I'm happy because I just:

Watched Michael Bublé Meets Madison Square Garden

Bought two new books

Listened to a great song

Kiss of Life - Friendly Fires. Enjoy:

Movie Marathon

Wow! It's 6 thirty already. Time flies by when you do lots of stuff. Between work and spending a little time relaxing with the "famille", and going to places...the day's suddenly over. And you can still think of things you have to do.

As long as I don't feel tired, I'm happy. Busy is good. I need busy.

So I watched a few movies recently (you can see which in the Last Movie F. Watched bit) and I must say I was pleased with all three.

The Half Blood Prince was very good. I enjoyed it a lot. Although in movies like this, where they have to cram a huge book into a movie time slot, you unfortunately don't get to see much of the characters. I mean, you could actually count the lines assigned to each character on your fingers. But quality beats quantity...so I guess it's alright. And while we're talking about lines and scripts...I just wanted to say how British the script seemed...The use of words like "bloke" and "snog" are used constantly...I loved it. And obviously...there were differences between the book and the movie...as usual, but still it was a good enough adaptaion and it was also a truly good movie in it's own right. Highly recommended.

Yes Man was cute. I enjoyed watching it with my sisters, eating gummy bears and Cheetos. Very cute. Jim Carrey was great...he didn't over do it with his faces and funny sounds (they were still there [how can they not be] but were used sparingly) I felt like it was a comdey with a story...rom-com meets comedy meets chick flick, sort of. Which is great...there's a story there...a story with heart. Recommended to those who want a fun afternoon get together with friends/family...

And finally, Doubt. Much more serious; requiring thought and reflection after viewing. This is a movie where the viewer decides what the story is. What more can you ask for...you end the movie how you want it. It's up to you! Great performances reign. They're everywhere. The great Meryl Streep, Seymour Hoffman continues to please, and rising star Amy Adams...I loved how they used recurring symbols or motifs to suggest different things. Recommended to those who prefer "deeper" movies with lots of dialogue.

Okay...enough blabbering for today.

Later.

Employed

It's been hectic the past week. I feel like someone's plucked me out of my context and put me somewhere else.

I am finally working. I started last week. I'm really glad I found something similar to what I wanted...something that'll give me adequate training for my future plans. Like I said, it was a little hectic, all with settling in, getting to know the place and the staff, working out my duties etc.

But I'm optimistic. Hopefully it'll be a good experience to say the least. I'll let you know how it's going.

The thing is though, after spending a whole year at home, it's kind of weird spending less time at home and with the family. And I don't have to mention the waking up early part. I haven't done that in ages, so I'm adjusting.

I went to 360 Mall last weekend. It seems like a nice shopping mall...I mean what else can I say. But there was one thing that impressed me very much and that's the Om Kulthoom Museum they're holding there. It was really impressive. A good marketing tool too, to get people to visit the mall. Although you don't really need to spend that much of an effort marketing for a mall in Kuwait...Anyway, back to the museum, it's definately worth visitng.

What else can I cram into this post...let's see. Oh yes. Comedy. I never considered myself as a fan of the genre of comedy. I actually thought I hated it. I felt like it was unsophisticated, meaningless clowning around. I don't want to mention any names, but let's just say that the "comedians" I was exposed to prior to this point in time, weren't funny. They weren't funny, they weren't artisits, they weren't talented (And the list could go on and on and on...) But recently, I have seen the light, so to speak. I wandered unchartered paths and discovered treasures I never knew existed, great names like Jerry Lewis, Groucho Marx and Charlie Chaplin, and now I can't stop admiring the gem that is comedy.

I feel like this topic is going to take many more words to cover, and I really want to share my new fascination with you, so I'll stop here today, but I promise to write more on this subject.

Until then...

The Funk of Forty Thousand Years

Hello.

I know it's old news by now, but this is my share.

Michael Jackson passed away. I must say I was quite shocked, although the news came in like a looming fog rather than a bolt of thunder, if you know what I mean. I was shocked because it had never occured to me that he would no longer exist. I mean, it's not like he was constantly mentioned or always on my mind and now he's gone or anything like that, it's just that I never thought Michael Jackson would die...just like that. I never really THOUGHT about it, I guess that's what I'm trying to say. And that was the saddest thing about it all really. That it happened so suddenly, so out of the blue. Alas! At least he left us all with music that is pure genius. Music through which he will live on. I hope my kids, if I ever have any, will one day listen to his records and appreciate them as much as I do.

Okay, enough of that. I've been watching some old TV shows from the 50's on YouTube, and they've sparked something big inside of me. A pleasure and a yearning for the past. The charm, the wit, the beauty, the talent, the politeness even...*sighhhh!* More on that in later post. Let this be a tease.

Music that I'm into right now:
La Roux. Her music's fresh yet very reminiscent of the 80's. This is her single "Bulletproof". If you like it go ahead and listen her other stuff. Pretty much all of it has the same vibe. Very catchy, dancey...perfect!

Enjoy,

And now...
I must be going.

Where is Neda's Vote?

The shocking video and images of martyr and now symbol of freedom and human rights, not only in Iran but the whole world over, Neda Agha Soltan, are ones that bring turmoil into the mind and soul of everyone who views them. I feel shock, grief, anger, responsibility. They are images that will never be forgotten, that stand for so much more than just the horrible act that brought them into being. I don't want to get into politics now, it's just too early in the morning. But justice will be served...one way or the other...be it today, or tomorrow...Neda's voice, which resembles that of so many Iranians, shall not be silenced, but made louder by her passing.

"You can kill the people, but you cannot kill the voice."

Back

Hello.

I haven't disappeared off of the face of the Earth, so I don't have a good excuse for not posting in ages. Ages being exactly 2 months and 3 days. And I can't say that nothing has been happening because plenty of things happened but I just...and at the risk of sounding like a selfish, un-dedicated b****, I just didn't feel like blogging.

Whenever that voice of reason crept by my ear and said, "F., your blog needs updating. Go and post something, it'll be good for you," I shunned it, and went on doing the mundane things that have become my life. Even when the voice started sounding like, "Look at what you've turned into! Your brain cells have decreased in both amount and size, now GO BLOG!!!" I wouldn't listen. It was like I was lulled; I was alive, but not quite living.

Something needed to happen. I won't say it has yet, but I feel it coming soon. It's as if I have been walking along this road in a deserted town. But I have finally reached the turn, the curve in the road. and I can't really see what's coming, but I shall welcome it with open arms when it comes because I need the change.

And in the wise words of some Christina Baldwin, "Change is the constant, the signal for rebirth, the egg of the phoenix."

To celebrate "the come-back" and to reinforce this idea of change and new beginnings, I might be changing my layout. I have my eye on one which is new but still has the same feel to it. We'll see how it goes.

The above ramblings have been tweeked and twisted to make reality seem more dramatic. Trust at your own risk.

Flutter

Crushing.

Over a boy that is.

A boy I might never actually meet. But still it feels amazing.

*SCREAMS A HAPPY SCREAM*

*Snaps out of it*

I am feeling really excited. Dancing and listening to music much more than before. Feeling like dressing up and looking good. Like doing something active. Going out. I'm being optimistic about the job. Wanting to go on a summer shopping spree. Craving cool pools and a good tan. The sound of the sun embracing by body and sizzling it into a deeper shade of copper. Copper. Lovely colour.

*Realises she hasn't really snapped out of it*

I wish my mother all the best. Allah y5aleeha lina inshallah wala ya7rimna minha.

Same goes out to all the mothers of the world. A mother is the root of everything.

Hugs and Kisses.

Between You and Me

As promised, here are a couple of pictures of the flag I made last week.

I watched a couple of episodes of this show that seems to be all the rage right now. It's called "Bayni O Baynkom" (Between You and Me) and it's aired on Flash TV, it's charismatic (or so they say) host is one "Bo Kharshad." Now I thought I'd raise a couple of questions regarding this trend that seems to be all the hype right now (yes there are others like this one on other channels.) It's basically a show with very little on the screen but the host ( I don't know whether they were trying to go for a minimalistic look, or perhaps their low budgets can provide for little more than just that...) and the host basically rants about negative issues going on in the country with a call coming in every now and then from a dedicated or amused viewer who either praises or makes fun of the said host. Now, why has there become this general tendency for us to just rant and complain about things? Sure, through this kind of behaviour we uncover the problems that we believe are being neglected, but I don't feel like these peoples' purposes are to bring change, I honestly believe they just want to rant. And why are viewers pulled in by this type of show? I seriously feel like I'm losing brain cells watching them. Try it, and tell me what you think. I feel like I know all this stuff already, and that what we really need are people who are willing to actually do something about these problems, rather than just act all concerned and rant about them on TV. We can all be doing something more useful with our time, like read a good book, go out for a walk, spend time making constructive chit-chat with family members, or better yet work do something that will make Kuwait a better place than it already is.

I'd like to hear your take on this. Post a comment.

Diary

Hello. I've been feeling quite productive lately. I've been doing stuff instead of just sitting at my laptop all day. I've been reading more, that's one. I finished the second installment to the Twilight saga. I wonder what I'm gonna pick up next. I'm getting an urge to reread Wuthering Heights or Jane Eyre. Something eerie that'll match the strangely windy weather we're suddenly experiencing.

I've made some progress on my research. Nothing noteworthy, but progress nontheless. I hope I go through with it, and I hope it turns out good.

I spent a lot of time in the kitchen today. First I made muffins, with lovely pink frosting. I have to say, they weren't amazing, could have been better, but they were good still. I later made some pasta with a yummy turkey and tomato sauce. My hamsters (aka my wonderful family) could not abstain from commenting on the food. Dad wanted more sauce. Mom and sister said the pasta needed to be cooked more. Brother wanted no sauce at all. Anyway, I had fun, and I thought both dishes tasted fine. If I don't say so myself.

Many houses in town have put up flags and all celebrating the coming National and Liberation days. I felt like I wanted to join in with the celebrations so I made a collage of the Kuwaiti flag to put up somewhere. I cut up old magazines that I have absolutely no use for, and stuck shreds of black, green and red on a white polestirene slab. One that I also had no use for. I felt great afterwards because it looked good and I had recycled stuff that I could have just thrown out.

Last but not least, I got signed up in the elections listings (I'm not sure what they're called exactly.) Basically, you get added to the list of electors so you can vote next elections. If you're Kuwaiti and you're 20 years old, or older and not listed, visit your local police station with a copy of your nationality and civil ID, and get listed. It's easy, it won't take much of your time, and you'll be able to have a say in the future of your country soon.

I hope it's not long till I post again.

Androgynous

Well...it's been busy lately but the fuss is over. Most probably to make time for more fuss. But that's life, isn't it?

After the prize giving ceremony for honours students, and after watching the video over and over again with the family...I felt so loved. So I just want to say this, for the record: I love you all so much, proud to be one of you. This is just the fruit of what you have sown. My success is your own. Thank you so very much.

(That read like an Oscar thank-you-speech. :P Got a little carried away!)

(Oh and the rhyming bit was completely unintentional. LOL.)

I'm happy to say that I have finally gotten round to work on something...research paper-wise. When it's done I might give you guys a glimpse. Let's just hope I stick to it all the way through. Keep reminding me.

I've accidentally come across a German band called Tokio Hotel. And you know how sometimes you say things, or you make rules for yourself, like in this case, "I do not like to listen to emo teenagers singing about how they secretly love that nobody understands them." Well, I sort of can't help it sometimes. I'm stuck especially on two of their songs. And I listen to both the English and German versions (I prefer the German ones though. P.S. I am really really good with languages...I speak 3 and comprehend 2 other ones...but German is one language I cannot seem to be able to get my head around. But still I like the songs.)

I couldn't find a better video. This is a live performance in Italy, and the singing's in English. The song is called Monsoon (Durch Den Monsun):